interstalking

Practice Not Caring

I’ve been thinking this a lot lately. I’ve read it many times recently, in many forms, from many voices. Of course, I can’t remember any of these blogs or articles, so I assume it’s in my obsession read “Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less”, or maybe even in “#Girlboss”.

I do remember this:

God bless Mindy Kaling. “I have a personality defect where I refuse to be seen as the underdog.” I mean, this is its own type of not caring – not caring about the negative speak she was/is undoubtedly bombarded with in the ‘wood. Fake it till you make it can really work. I also have an American Express card (wink).

It’s all over that really successful people don’t need approval. They like it as much as anyone, but they don’t crave it and think about it. They don’t need it. They crave something else, and their ideas just pour out of them. They crave creation, maybe, or the realization of a dream or vision. Because they just have to.

I had a realization lately that when I allow myself to dislike someone (something I’ve done infrequently in life), especially when it comes to actually disliking someone I’m involved with and ending an association, I’m overcome with the many layers of my dislike and the oppression I suffered in this person’s presence after the fact. Everything crystallizes in how much I disagree with the other person’s worldview and the ways I feel disrespected or affronted. It’s the power of no, so to speak, that provides this clarity. Of course, this action isn’t productive on my part, but it does show me a flood of what I held back before I said no, and encourages me to say no sooner next time.

I think then, if I’d let my ideas out all the time instead of wanting them to be approved, just like I wanted to be someone everyone liked (and therefore I had to like everyone), maybe my ideas, given their freedom, would have just gotten better and better and bigger. And they still can. The thing is, I always knew many of my views and ideas wouldn’t be liked – especially by my family. It took me years to get over that. Now I’m working on the rest. I think being liked by everyone must actually be more complicated.

So I’m practicing not caring… really hard.

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Interstalking

Interstalking Recommends: Jen Kirkman

You may know Jen Kirkman, as I did, from “Chelsea Lately”, for which she was a writer and panelist, or (hopefully, because it’s awesome…) from “Drunk History”. Since being introduced to her podcast “I Seem Fun: The Diary of Jen Kirkman” (thank you, Dana), Jen has quickly become my master, teacher, idol, comrade in the business of show, running buddy, imaginary best friend, etc.

Jen wrote a book called “I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids”. I didn’t realize, until Jen became it for me, that I needed a child-free role model. Sometimes I’m like “man, I wish Jen didn’t have to talk about this so much”, but then I realize she is like, the only person I can think of who IS talking about it. I mean, I talk about it all the time, but I’m not a famous person with a podcast. “Don’t email me!” if you know someone else. Just kidding, if you know another I totally want to know, I’m just quoting something Jen says on her show a lot. Whether or not my life and love takes the reproductive route ever, we need women out there showing us how rad your life can be on the child-free path. Why does it even have to be an unconventional path? There is so much pressure on women to want to be mothers… not to mention wives. The biggest thing I realized upon turning thirty seven was that the pressure was finally off – at this age people finally stop asking you about the kids thing because they figure you’re running out of time. And it felt great. But enough about me – I’m just hoping someone else will find listening to Jen as relatable and helpful as I do!

I could list the things I love about Jen and “I Seem Fun” but I think lists are really overpopulated on the internet so I’ll use a paragraph. Jen is from Needham, Massachusetts (I’m from Chelmsford) and has a second Twitter account called @JenFromthe1990s which is her teenage self tweeting. She closes every podcast with “No Fun” by the Stooges, which makes me feel celebratory even though the show is ending. She puts out a podcast, typically an hour long, pretty much every damn week. And don’t give her a hard time when she needs a break for a few weeks. She records them from her home, bedroom, hotel room, and receives visits from characters like “Fuck the Haters Girl” and “Live Laugh Love Woman” (formerly known as “Cubicle Woman”). God I fucking love when she does the “Live Laugh Love Woman/Cubicle Woman”. (To me it’s like that thing when people think you have a super easy life because you’re single and only what they are doing is worthwhile because it feels like suffering. Just listen to the podcast.) She also sings along with a song in the beginning of most podcasts, talks about music from the 90s (including a whole Kurt Cobain story you should hear), educates about feminism (for real, and I mean she’s educating me and I’m a fucking feminist), and even talks about her personal life and relationships. She is really irritated by the state of customer service today (yes, I agree!) and is very spiritual (into Marianne Williamson). She loves Christmas lights. Based on her raspy voice mentions and Instagrams, she seems to be afflicted to something similar to my lifelong sinus problems. She takes Klonopin when she flies but only a really small amount. She posted a video on YouTube of herself being interviewed by her electric toothbrush. I haven’t even tapped her YouTube page because I’m so busy listening to her podcasts and waiting for her second book to come out. I hope this is making you want to listen to her podcast. You will not regret it.

Also, she has responded to me on Twitter and Instagram. Jen, I’m crazy about ya!

Jen, if you read this I’m sorry if I got any of these details wrong, I’m trying to write more off the cuff.

If you need ANY OTHER information about Jen you can find it at jenkirkman.com. Do not tweet or @ her on Instagram about tour dates. Come on now, we can all be responsible for using google. This isn’t like a life lesson thing, it’s just that the information is very clearly stated on Jen’s social media and during every podcast. She’s not here to give lazy people information they can get at jenkirkman.com which she constantly reminds people is where to get tour dates. She’s here to make the podcast. And all the other cool shit she does.