Don’t Get a Twitter Stalker and Other Random Notes on Halloween

1) My Mom always made us create our own costumes as soon as we were old enough to do so.  This is probably why I go overboard as an adult, though she did buy me a Batman costume in kindergarten.  (And I have photos of myself in more than one super cute store bought or Mom-made cowgirl costume as a tiny tike).   image

Are those miniature Frye Campus boots on my feet?  I’m sure they were knock offs, but I applaud you Mom!

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2) I only love dressing up on Halloween.  I am irritated when someone invites me to a theme party any other time of the year.

3) Dating anyone you meet on Halloween is dangerous.  I once met two guys at a party and dated both of them.  One was wearing cowboy boots. I found out on the date that was NOT A COSTUME.  This was in 1996.  I was eighteen and guys in cowboy boots were not cool to me then.  Plus, he was from Texas and for real about it.  The other guy had an amazing costume (Clockwork Orange) but dressed like my Dad would if he was twenty two and in grad school in real life.  I was a virgin.  The grad student Clockwork Orange guy once told me he only stayed with his ex (who was twenty six – that was ancient to me then) because the sex was so great.  This totally freaked me out.  He was also really into Christmas ornaments and had a tree full of the kind that light up and move.  We never even kissed.  Oh yeah, and that year, I was the “Girl from Mars”, like the Ash song?  You know, that Irish neo pop-punk band?  Oh really, you don’t know them?

Just got lost in the moment of that video for a minute… #90s #cuteguysinindierock

4) I once dressed as Paul Stanley, made out with a guy in a freight elevator for most of the night (he was given away by the smeared makeup on both of our faces), and pulled my hamstring doing a split all at the same party.  I still have chronic hamstring pain.  I dated the guy until New Year’s  Eve when I broke up with him for being a teen alcoholic (he was 25, and I had just turned 30).

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5) I was a “California Raisin” in 5th grade (remember the TV commercials?).  This was my most embarrassing costume ever, consisting of a trash bag with a hole in it for my face and limbs, held together at the top of my head by a bow hair clip.  By the time I got home I was just wearing a tattered trash bag.

6) Last year I got drunk enough to make out with a guy who was dancing with me, following me around, and trying to kiss me.  I went on a mercy date with him that ended up being one of the worst nights of my life (dating wise).  This resulted in two things: a Twitter war (Who would think that any guy you went on ONE DATE with would follow you on twitter?  Yes FOLLOW, not just stalk.), me realizing, at thirty four, that my judgment is SERIOUSLY IMPAIRED by alcohol (especially four drinks and beyond), and the promise to myself to never go on a date I don’t want to go on ever again.  Nothing good comes of doing something you don’t want to do.  Also: a lot of those guys you think you have to give a chance to because they are so into you and you feel guilty for so not liking them?  It’s very possible they’re just pushy, hate women, and/or have stalker tendencies.

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NOT asking for it in 2012 in the un-sexy killer bee costume.

7) I’ve been waiting to be Mary Tyler Moore for a few years and (because one of my parties is a theme party) I have two costumes this year because of it.  I question my judgment making two elaborate Halloween costumes but I can’t stop myself, because I already had the Mary Tyler Moore tam ‘o shanter custom made last year.

8) In 2003 I didn’t have a costume idea so I dressed as the cover girl for a 70’s compilation album I had called “Big Hits”.  I brought the record with me so I could explain it to people.

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I lost “Big Hits” somewhere along the way, but “Right On” is “Big Hits’” blond best friend.

9) Honorable Mentions:

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“Turn Back Time” Cher, 2010.

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Jem, 2006.

10) Last embarrassing costume scenario: 8th grade, I decide that I and my two best friends should be Playboy bunnies… or at least wear bunny ears and tails.  This is for posterity in the yearbook.  They look adorable and like the heartbreakers they either already were or would be in high school.  I look awkward and humongous and have serious issues with my bangs.  I’m also wearing a Hard Rock Cafe tee shirt.  #1990

Don’t get a Twitter stalker this Halloween!

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